Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Some Body to Love

Can anybody find me some body to love?

Dear Body,

Why do you hate me?

I try to do right by you. I really do. I understand that I don't always fill you with the most nutritious foods and I don't exercise enough. But I work hard. Every day of my life. I try and I try and I try.

But YOU. You don't so much as make an effort to shape up. You cling to fat and make it your big fattie security blanket that you wrap around yourself to keep warm and insulated with a more than generous layer of blubber! This ain't the tundra sweetheart! No one needs this much insulation. Even greater offense than your codependency on fat pockets, a breakout?! REALLY!?!?! I really needed that. Thanks. And at the corner of my mouth? Awesome. Really, between the herpes of the mouth and enormous thighs, I could not possibly look any better. Now no one will want to kiss me.

I hate you.

-Fatticus

P.s. I guess I don't really hate you. You carry me around all the time. But I mean, really? A breakout? Uncalled for.

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