Monday, December 21, 2009

A Child Called "Fit"

Dear Fat,

Rare is the occasion for me to boast of any fitness; but this week I did it. I went two consecutive weeks without gaining weight. In fact, I managed to LOSE 1 pound. I was sure that the hectic schedule with little sleep, late dinners, and more takeout than one person should consume in a year--let alone a week--would have done me in. But no, fitness shall prevail!

I managed to get my lazy butt out of bed in the morning and exercise last Monday. I think that helped set the tone for the week. Admittedly, that was really the most I had done, but it at least proved to me that I could do it. This week: 2 mornings out of bed and in my exercise clothes. Also, 3 visits to the gym. Fortunately, I went last night, so one trip down; two to go. I can so do this.

Having spent most of my life as a child called fat, I am now taking the initiative to call myself fit. I'm learning to define myself. I am not a product of my environment. I am a person, created by God in His image, and what a beautiful image that is. So help me, Fat, I will not let you weigh me down anymore.

Alabanza,

Fatticus

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Call of the Fat

Dear Fat,

Ugh, it's so freakin' HARD.  Why do I eat so much?  Why does food have to taste so good?  Is skinny really going to feel THAT awesome?  And why did my ankle get extra crackly (from all angles, mind you) after I tried to jog on Thursday?  Really?  Sometimes, I feel like my Achilles tendon wants to pop off.

On a lighter note . . . ummm . . . I found $4 while doing my laundry today.

Seriously this time:  More vegetables.  Less meat.  It's good for the environment, too.

Oh, and much less salt.

Serious,

I.M.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

If You Give a Fattie a Cookie...

...she's bound to eat a dozen.

Dear Cookies,

Why do you taste so delicious? I'll never forsake cupcakes for you; but I have to admit, you are a strong second. You taste like a sunny day in spring. You're warm, comfortable, friendly and just oh so inviting. You're a constant friend, whose taste is never too far from my lips... I need a boyfriend. Real bad.

I managed not to gain any weight this week. Week 1 of two consecutive weeks sans weigh gain: success! Now the goal for week 2, is to actually lose weight. I blame you cookies. I just can't quit you. And you more than counteract my efforts in exercise and leaf-eating.

As I stay up typing this, a fresh pie cooling in the room over, all I can think is how I cannot manage to exert self-control for even a day. In addiction recovery programs, they explain that you take things one day at a time. Don't think of giving up your addiction (alcohol, crack, cookies) forever; just ask yourself if you can go this one day without it. Well cookies, apparently, my answer is always no. That will change though. It will. Otherwise I will be fat and alone forever. I owe 25 cents to the body image jar for that.

Worth it.

Wading through the crumbles,

Fatticus

Monday, December 14, 2009

La grassa vita

Dear Fat,

The other day, in a fit of sheer boredom, I was clicking on links to different Wikipedia pages when I came across something concerning weight gain during the holiday season:

"Various studies have been performed on the effects of the Christmas/winter holiday season, which encompasses several feast days, on health. They have concluded that the health changes that occur during the Christmas/winter holiday season are not reversed during the rest of the year and have a long-term cumulative effect over a person's life and that the risks of several medical problems increase during the winter holiday season."

Now, keep in mind that although they reference a study in the New England Journal of Medicine conducted by a group at the NIH, we should still refer to the most important thing that I have ever learned from my introductory statistics courses and the book How to Lie With Statistics:  Trust no study.  Ever.

Still, I can't help but think that it must be true.  The spirit of overindulgence of the season sometimes rivals the spirit of generosity, so perhaps we deserve to be punished for that annual gluttonous month of stuffing our faces until we fall into a comatose stupor . . .

Hoping I exercise self-control this December,

I.M.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Fatence of Arabia

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8389901.stm

Dear Fat People of the World,

We are free to visit Peru once again because the tale of the fat murderers was a horrible LIE!

In other news, this week, I'm retaining water like a camel.  Nature's cruel joke.

In any case, I'm experimenting with new vegetables, first with arugula and baby broccoli.  Hopefully, I'll also find a way to crisp my kale without it tasting like forest fire.

I've decided to stop keeping snacks at my desk.  Eating smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day seems only to increase my daily caloric intake (not that I would know precisely since I'm not actually counting calories), and I can't find anything conclusive that says that it is better to have 6 smaller meals versus 3 regular meals (unless you've had some sort of gastrointestinal surgery).

It is supposed to rain this entire week, so my jogging on the beach won't happen.  Does this mean that I have to go to the gym?  The last three times I tried to go to the gym regularly, however, I got sick within 2 weeks.  I think that's a pretty clear sign.  I guess I'll have to jog on the streets, then.

Blah,

I.M.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

The Winter of Our Fat-content

Dear Fat,

It's cold today.

The weather outside is frightful, and dressing for it is making me look anything but delightful. As the temperature drops, another layer adds to my already hefty bulk. Will this addition never end?

This week I gained one pound. For the love of bacon, can't I go two consecutive weeks without gaining weight?! I'm not even asking for two weeks of losing weight! Just two straight weeks sans weight gain. That would be AWESOME.

Oh fat, I don't know what to do with you. I want so much to be rid of you forever, but truth be told, you've been by me the longest. In my loneliness, in my sorrow, you were there. Granted, I do blame you for much of my loneliness and sorrow, but that doesn't negate the fact that you were with me through it all.

But that's over now. I am taking on this week with new conviction. The holidays are coming up and the greatest gift I can receive is some self-respect and self worth. And I'll have it. The world is filling with the sweet smell of Christmas and delightful treats, but I will have self-control. Bring it on holiday feasts!

Skinny is going to feel awesome.

Late,

Fatticus