Friday, February 26, 2010

Fat Expectations

Dear Fat,

I gained 1/2 pound last week. I'm not surprised that after a week of nothing but soup, upon eating solid foods again that I put some weight back on. I was surprised that it was so little. Yay? I worry that tomorrow at weigh-in my weight will increase even more. It's so frustrating!

Before last week, I had gone 6 weeks without gaining weight: it was incredible. It felt like I was finally making progress; that this time I would actually succeed. But then I got sick, and it was cold, and it was raining, and I couldn't stop coughing and blah blah blah blah excuses. If making up excuses was an Olympic event I would take home the gold, silver and bronze for all countries forever. Except Canada.

I ran today. It felt great. Actually, that's a lie; it felt awful, but then it felt great. But definitely kind of awful. Fat, I feel like you're the great deceiver. You manage to rationalize the illogical with the irrational and I listen and am convinced! Case in point: when I feel tired, angry, and gross, exercising always makes me feel better. Always. However, when I'm tired, angry, and gross, exercising is the last thing I want to do and my tiredness, anger and grossness is an excuse not to exercise!! WHAT?! I buy that? I consider it every time? It's madness!

Well not today my friend. I ran through it. I ran through it all. I'm disappointed that I didn't believe in myself and truncated my route; I arrived at my house with 3 minutes left and had to make a crazy weirdo loop thing. Annoying.

I'm through with your madness because this




Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Dear Fit,

I'm back on schedule for the Couch-to-5K.  My attempts to jog with better runners than I threw me off last week, but on Monday, back at my old jogging pace, I managed to go 26.5 minutes without stopping.  Although I think I could walk at a faster pace, I could tell from the anger of my lungs and the higher volume of sweat that it was jogging.  Went with the lab running club again yesterday . . . a little quicker . . . yeah, I had to stop a few times.  I'm experimenting with different breathing techniques, but my conclusion is that my lungs are telling me that I'm fat.  I'll add a quarter to the jar for that . . . I made it another 25 minutes today, though.

Indian food is delicious.  So are Girl Scout cookies.  As are Cadbury mini-eggs.

In case you were wondering whether these are tears or beads of sweat, I don't know either.  They must be both.  And the "2" on the timer is in seconds, not minutes.
Quite fat,


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Fat in the Time of Cholera

Dear Fat,

I think I have swine flu.

Or maybe I'm just fat and have the flu. No matter.

I'm making more headway in my fight against you. Congratulations me. Unfortunately I haven't done as well against the illness taking up residence in my tonsils. It's very uncomfortable and now they appear as bloated as the rest of my body. Curses.

I wanted to jog. I was really looking forward to it. Sick, right? But I can't. Because each breath I draw in feels like swallowing sandpaper and my whole body aches from lethargy and illness.

wow... okay, nighttime medicine is kicking in. I'm going to go lie down before I collapse.

Hoping to get through the next work day,


P.s. I wish I was less petty

Eat Drink Fat Woman

Dear Fit,

I jogged 25 minutes without stopping on Sunday.

Dear Fat,

1) Mardi gras!  Happy Fat Tuesday!

2) I gained weight!  What happened?!?

I'm fairly certain that I'm retaining water this week, but for my net total after 14 weeks to be a gain of 5 pounds?  Really, Fates, we need to have a little chat about this cruel destiny of fatness you have mapped out for me because I frankly refuse to allow this upward slope to continue.

Actually, I tried to run with people from lab today.  That was quite embarrassing.  I apparently have not been jogging anywhere near a normal person's speed.  I also ate 2.5 special European-style Mardi Gras donuts.  My figure suffers from sitting next to a post-doc who makes delicious baked goods.  Oh, and I also kind of ate two dinners today . . . they were small, though!  Two small dinners!  I really think that the donuts did me in for the day.  I'm going to blame them for my jogging fiasco.  Mainly because I don't want to draw the rest of what I ate today.  It took me a while to figure how to make my hair look less terrible.  Didn't really succeed . . .

SO fat,


Friday, February 05, 2010

The Importance of Being Fittest

Dear Fit,

So that my entries are not ignored for lack of color, this is an illustration of where I jog:

Yes, on the beach at sunset.  Be jealous.

 I haven't gotten to the 20 minutes of non-stop jogging yet, but that'll get done this weekend . . . when the rain stops for long enough.  This Couch-to-5K plan is . . . well, it's about as difficult as I had anticipated: kind of hard, but not unachievable.  When I started exercising three times a week, though, I had expected to feel a bit different.  Sure, my calves are more toned and I think I have more muscle (the added mass of which is working against my weight loss goal).  Sure, I don't need to sleep as long at night because my quality of sleep has improved a bit.  It's probably helped me to feel a little less sluggish during the day, too.  On second thought, this is probably as much as I had expected.  Never mind.  We'll just have to wait for my blood pressure to drop down to a normal level without medication, then.

Food is still my downfall.  I don't have a very good perception of what counts as a normal-sized meal.  At the very least, I have stopped eating to the point where I feel really full (as I did for most of my childhood), but I suspect that I'm supposed to stop a lot sooner.  Eating more leaves apparently is not enough when it's piled on top of what I eat normally.

Working on it,


Rain Fat

Dear Fat,

I did it! Week 5 of The Couch to 5K training program is complete! I ran for 20 minutes without stopping. Actually, it was 21 minutes because I forgot to update my Week 5 playlist... anyhoo... I did it. Hooray! At the beginning of this week, looking towards Friday I felt like this:

The terror was unimaginable. But now that I've done it, I feel more like this:

those clouds look alarmingly similar to my hair...

But actually... it was raining. So I really looked like this :

I don't know how, but I managed to power through it. The rain, the run, the tears... I emerged victorious! I can't quite be sure they were tears though. The rain may have just collected on my generous cheeks and ran down my face as I ran. It was very dramatic.

Speaking of tears, last night I was going through a box of things I have yet to unpack from college. I found some math homework. Seeing it now, those numbers mean nothing to me; I'm not sure they ever did. Double pitchforked bifurcation? I know it's some kind of graph... also called a saddle problem... hyperbolas? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... that's about all I've got. I used to derive my self-worth from my grades and my intelligence--especially when it came to math. Even then I knew it wasn't enough; looking back on it now, it seems so silly to have defined myself by such limited bounds. I'm giving myself a greater range and including all values: real and imaginary.

Integrating vegetables and factoring out the rest,


Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Fattest Gump

Dear Fat,

You are far more resilient than I had hoped.  To distract from my ineffective attempts at weight loss, I'm going to talk about running again.

The cover of the current issue of Nature actually features a study on barefoot running.  It's not so much that running barefoot itself is going to make an amazing difference, but that people who run in shoes are used to striking their heels first whereas it's probably better to land at the front or middle of your foot instead to reduce impact, even on hard surfaces.  One study, of course, is not conclusive, but it makes me feel better about using Nike Free and my even less supportive beach shoes although I'm not sure I can tell if I've changed the way that I land.  My arches do feel more strengthened.

I've been a lot hungrier lately.  Is it the jogging?  Is it the knowledge that I ought to be eating less that makes my body retaliate?

I should start reading other news sources:

But maybe this means that I don't have to get to the normal weight range for my height on the BMI chart.

Picking fuzz off of my black shirt,