Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Anatomy of a Faturder

Dear Fat,

Hunger makes me feel so alive!  Nothing makes you so aware of your body as the constant grumbling that radiates through your gastrointestinal tract to upset the balance of your physical energy and sanity.  I think that I am being hit by fits of delirium.  I get sudden, unprovoked cravings for random, delicious food items--short ribs, a smoky Western burger, awesome cheeses, mashed potatoes, fried chicken--but all I can do now is chew gum.  I'm going through like a pack a day.  This can't be good.  I'm going to get gum-chewing wrinkles.  Nobody wants that.  And I'm out of kale . . .

Shouldn't the hunger have subsided by now?  I don't remember it being this bad before.  What's going on?!  I'm eating!  I swear I am!  I'm eating as much as a normal-sized person ought to eat!

My scalp is drying out.  I think I've been rinsing my hair too much.  Either that, or cutting the fat from my diet is sucking the moisture from my integumentary system.  I think my old roommate once said that her hair looked the best when she was eating junk food everyday.  Is this the sacrifice I have to make?  Skinny but with dry, poofy hair?  I can't make these decisions!

I'm getting an allergy test done next week, and I can't wash my back from Monday to Friday.  I think that means I'm going to avoid jogging from Monday to Friday, but that also means that I should jog more up until that point.  I haven't exercised since my capsizing on Sunday.  I will do so tomorrow.  But I'm hungry . . . what if I don't make it?  No!  No one will find this overweight body fallen to the wayside.  I will do it!  And it's going to be awesome!



No comments:

Post a Comment