Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Naked Fat

Dear Fat,

Don't forget that I'm still raising money for lupus.  Another team is out-fundraising us by quite a bit, and we have to get our top spot back.  Please donate here.  We are also doing a continuous bake sale fundraiser of sorts, so if you're in SD or LA, let me know what you would like to eat by April 22nd or so, and I'll quote a price.  I'll make just about anything that is delicious.

So, Fat, I'm losing weight at a pretty steady rate, but it usually involves gaining about 3 pounds in the beginning of the week and losing 4 by the end.  I suppose it would be healthier to do this in a linear fashion, but I still like my food a little too much.  I'm not addicted.  I can quit anytime I want . . . yeah . . .

According to mynetdiary, playing piano for an hour burns 230 calories.  That seems . . . like a lot for what doesn't amount to more than forearm exercising.  Although I have to say  that the six pages of tremolo exercise at the end of my Hanon book does make me feel arm muscles I never knew that I had.  Still, this jiggly arm fat remains.  And it distributes itself differently on each arm.  Asymmetry adds character, right?

Fat, I feel like my life is lacking in inspiration right now.  I can't write.  I can't think about science.  I can't really play music articulately.  What's going on?  Oh, right.



Monday, March 14, 2011

Fatti: Fear Eats the Soul

Dear Fat,

Time change plus excess caffeine make it difficult to sleep at a decent hour.  Therefore, I am defragmenting my computer.

You know that you're running low on blog titles when the works get more and more obscure.  Let me explain this one.  Ali: Fear Eats the Soul is a 1970s German film made during a two-week break Fassbinder had between projects.  It is very much flawed in technical aspects and in some of the acting, but I love the raw quality that these flaws add to the main characters' relationship.  Emmi, a 60-something German cleaning lady, falls in love with Ali, a 30 or 40-something Moroccan immigrant worker.  She expresses that although she is happy to have found him, she is also afraid, to which he responds, "Not fear.  Fear not good.  Fear eat soul." I like the simplicity of this statement: "Fear eat soul."

Last time, I mentioned a fear of being fat.  It's of course more general than that.  While I have learned to take the downs of my life much more lightly, it has still overall been quite a frustrating period of time for me.  Normally, this would force me back into my vices (as it may or may not have a few months ago), but I am attempting to channel this energy into something more productive.  I'm learning more.  I'm jogging a little faster.  I'm eating . . .  somewhat less.  And I'm 13.8 pounds down from my starting weight.  No more fear.  No more self-loathing.

Also, a notice to current non-California-dwellers: if you'd like me to visit you sometime in the next year, please find a conference in your area that I can attend.  I'm too lazy to look them up on my own.  The first reasonable one wins.

Maybe still a little hungry but going to bed anyway,


Tuesday, March 08, 2011

To the Fathouse

Dear Fat,

Today is Fat Tuesday.  How appropriate for what happened today.

Medifast Report: 1 month down. 15 pounds lost.  Woo hoo!

Today's Report: I ate a brownie, a piece of chocolate chip cookie, a curry koroke(curry filled bread), and sweet potato cake.

Oh yah.  I'm a fattie.

I brought all of my Medifast meals so that I could be good even while I'm out of town.  Apparently, the allure of food is too much for me.  The allure of food... in Irvine?!

WTF?!  I'm going to New York in a week.  How am I going to keep to my diet there?

Hold up.  I am so distracted.  It's been several weeks since I've seen Glee, so can someone please explain what's happening?  Gwyneth really shouldn't sing, but Kurt totes knows what's what.  I... don't know what's happening with anything anymore.  Oh my goodness.  This is the third song Gwyneth has sung this episode.  It is 8:36.  WTF?  Please don't let her sing anymore.

In related news, I submitted my information for the X-factor auditions.  Gosh, I hope I get it.

Umm... what was I talking about?  Oh, right.  Medifast.  With renewed conviction, I'm devoting myself back to Medifast.  Nobody's perfect.  We all make mistakes.  Tomorrow is another da--is Santana a lesbian?

Is Sam dating Santana?  Didn't he like propose to Quinn in the second episode he was in?  What?  Wow. The celibacy's club rendition of Afternoon Delight was amazing.  I love Emma.  She's so... me!  :D

Uhh... so... I... yah.  Okay, well.

PCD Workout Video Report: I am still uncomfortable watching scantily clad women grind and slap their bums while I attempt to grind and slap my bum.

Holy crap, Santana IS a lesbian!  AND dating Sam?!  THIS SHOW HAS GONE INSANE!!

PCD report cont: My thighs hurt from excessive squatting and grinding.  It's working!

And with that rando report of crazy times, I bid you adieu.

Applying for Biggest Loser,


Sunday, March 06, 2011


Dear Fat,

In a fit of masochism today when I was out for my run, I chose to jog up that big hill and then all the way back to my apartment instead of walking like I normally do.  However, I may have surpassed my allotted number of calories when I decided to make some butternut squash soup to go with my homemade crème fraîche.

Last night, I slept from 9 to 9, and it was glorious.  I also moved my mattress pad to the carpet so I could wake up without my lower back hurting.  How did I get so old?

I was thinking the other day of how long it took me to get to the point where I could actually start to lose weight.  My main motivation had always been rather shallow: I didn't want to look fat anymore.  But somehow, that mindset alone never resulted in anything.  Or perhaps I found some comfort in that mediocrity.  Skinniness was something to be envied yet never attained.  Now, I can't say that body image isn't important to me because it always will be, but I do feel good about taking better care of myself.  Especially now when my life is going in a less-than-ideal direction, I can at least say to myself, "Well, at least I'm not as fat as I used to be."

I thought this entry was going to be more thoughtful when I started, but I don't have much more to say.  When I was watching the highly fictionalized Amadeus, I was formulating parallels with Salieri's appreciation of Mozart's genius and his loathing of his own mediocrity, but . . . I don't really have much farther to go than that.  I guess it's better that I don't make every FoF entry into a movie review.  You'll just have to wait until next time.  While we're on the subject of movies, though, I have a complaint.  I started a silent film today, and it was actually completely silent.  No score.  Wtf.  I started playing my regular iTunes music in the background, but obviously, those don't go together terribly well.  Maybe I'll keep Chopin on instead.