Monday, March 14, 2011

Fatti: Fear Eats the Soul

Dear Fat,

Time change plus excess caffeine make it difficult to sleep at a decent hour.  Therefore, I am defragmenting my computer.

You know that you're running low on blog titles when the works get more and more obscure.  Let me explain this one.  Ali: Fear Eats the Soul is a 1970s German film made during a two-week break Fassbinder had between projects.  It is very much flawed in technical aspects and in some of the acting, but I love the raw quality that these flaws add to the main characters' relationship.  Emmi, a 60-something German cleaning lady, falls in love with Ali, a 30 or 40-something Moroccan immigrant worker.  She expresses that although she is happy to have found him, she is also afraid, to which he responds, "Not fear.  Fear not good.  Fear eat soul." I like the simplicity of this statement: "Fear eat soul."

Last time, I mentioned a fear of being fat.  It's of course more general than that.  While I have learned to take the downs of my life much more lightly, it has still overall been quite a frustrating period of time for me.  Normally, this would force me back into my vices (as it may or may not have a few months ago), but I am attempting to channel this energy into something more productive.  I'm learning more.  I'm jogging a little faster.  I'm eating . . .  somewhat less.  And I'm 13.8 pounds down from my starting weight.  No more fear.  No more self-loathing.

Also, a notice to current non-California-dwellers: if you'd like me to visit you sometime in the next year, please find a conference in your area that I can attend.  I'm too lazy to look them up on my own.  The first reasonable one wins.

Maybe still a little hungry but going to bed anyway,

I.M.

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