Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Dear Fat,

While I understand logically that "All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity."  However, my heart just can't comprehend that yet.  While I'm struggling to catch up, all I can do is flounder. And it sucks.  A lot.

I'm told that grieving is healthy, I can't help but think that my preferred method--eating until I can't feel the pain--is, you know, not.  I know that I've eaten more candy in the past two days than anyone should, I don't know much else.  Retail therapy isn't helping much either.  I'm sad.

"But I have that within which passeth show;
These but the trappings and the suits of woe."

Eff you circle of life!  I want my dog back.


That's the last line of a poem we read in Chinese class.  I cried then too.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

(Fat) RENT

didn't really know how to make that title better . . .

Dear Fat,

Why is rent so expensive?  Why is moving so difficult?  Not that I know for sure that I have to move yet.  Still, after piling many of my belongings into the backseat of my car to temporarily store at my parents' house, I have a ridiculous amount of crap left.  Gah.  The best part is that I came home for Mother's Day weekend, but my parents left to go elsewhere for the weekend, so . . . house party?

I think my parents think that I'm depressed.  They've been much less critical as of late.  Like when I lost my phone, I didn't get one word about how irresponsible or absent-minded I was.  My mother just said, in all sincerity, that I was very lucky to have gotten my phone back.  And they've been supportive of my decisions.  It's just . . . who are these people?  Where were they when I was growing up?  Or maybe they think that because I weigh less now, I'm more capable of making smart choices.

After trying to watch the filmed final performance of RENT on Broadway again, I have concluded that I definitely do not like it.  This girl they picked to play Mimi just looks possessed the entire time . . . by something besides heroin.  Not that I like the official movie version any better because that one is just terribly staged (but at least well-cast).  And the one time I did see it live, I had trouble focusing because we had almost died in an elevator.  When I realized that I have never seen a performance of RENT that was fully satisfying, I found it surprising that I still liked it so much.  But I guess that's the point of anything that needs to be seen live.  And perhaps I have become overly critical.

Fat update:  ummmmmmmm, so, I haven't lost any weight in a few months.  Sorry.  I guess I could have gone jogging this morning.  Oh well.