Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Dear Fat,

Sometimes I like to believe that I used to be more in control of my emotions and that my current environment has brought out the erratic in me, but I doubt that it is actually true.  The immediacy of my current mental state just overshadows any memory of past neuroses.  Lord knows that I must have made even less sense in college, high school, and whatever came before.

My quals are coming up in less than a month now, and I have conflicting feelings about how much I actually need to care.  I think that plus a combination of other factors are starting to make me stressed, but it is not really salient yet.  At least I'm not eating my emotions, and although I don't sleep in as much as I would like to, I'm not having much trouble falling asleep at night.  I haven't gained any weight even though jogging is limited to at most once a week if I'm feeling particularly motivated.  You would think that this is evidence of my growing maturity in times of stress, but I think . . . actually, I have no idea what it means.

How are my goals for the year coming along . . . not entirely sure I'll get a paper out any time soon, but there's half a year left for that.  I'm almost done with all of the novels on my bookshelf--just finished Blindness and starting The Iliad.  Haven't really worked on my screenplay at all.  Neither have I learned how to play the guitar.  Those will both have to wait until after July 11th (quals).  I'm actually jogging less, not more, so that's not good.  Haven't lost any weight.  It's ok.  I have a plan.  Just you wait.